Does the Security make you feel Secure?

Yesterday, it snowed like crazy. I was worried I was going to have to call Dennis Quaid and ask him to come dig us out before the snow got too crazy. Fortunately, the storm ended just in time for me to go to school.

Last week, they cancelled school because they thought a BLIZZARD OF DEATH was on its way. Now, while it was certainly entertaining, we only got four inches of snow when all was said and done. Yesterday, we got a foot of snow. A FOOT. IN TOWN. And was school cancelled? Well of course not.

I was okay with that, though. I like snow. I went to campus and marched around in the fresh white powder. I watched a football player nail a tree repeatedly with snowballs. It was great.

By the way, we beat those goddamned BYU Cougars. I realize football is not the axis upon which the universe spins, but it was good to beat our arch-nemesis.

But anyway, snow. Snow and Christmas decorations. Nothing goes better with Christmas lights than a good foot of snow. And nothing goes better with snow than a month of Christmas lights, Christmas trees, and Christmas specials on television.

In about two weeks' time, I shall be braving the security lines at Salt Lake International to fly back to Boise for Christmas. I am not looking forward to this. I hate flying, simply because I have to go through security. I'm not a terrorist; far from it. I have never committed a crime in my life (other than jay-walking). I've never gotten so much as a parking ticket. And yet, the moment I cross that automated door threshold, I am treated like I am guilty of terrorism until proven otherwise. My bags are searched, because it's likely I'm carrying bombs. My purse goes through a scanner, my backpack is searched. After all, I probably have a knife or worse, like an umbrella. I better keep my three ounces or less of liquid in my plastic baggie, because if it's not in there, dammit, it's probably made of chemicals that will detonate as soon as I touch them. And now, they search me, because I'm probably the kinky sort who keeps explosives in my underwear. I have my choice of either participating in the production of pornography, or being molested. This is all, of course, to keep us safe.

Funny, I feel like I've heard that phrase a few times before in my life. I think Bradbury said something along those lines. Or maybe it was Orwell. No, wait, that's right, it was Hitler. My bad.

Anyway, I'll opt for molestation, because as Mel Gibson can tell you, once something's on a computer, it never goes away. Ever.

Now, if I say this violates my religious beliefs, that is definitely a red flag. Only terrorists would say something like that. If I say this directly violates the Fourth Amendment, also known as "that fine ditty about searches and seizures," than I am un-American. Only someone who hates America would have such an understanding of the Constitution and Bill of Rights, right?

Of course, if I refuse all this, I could always use some other form of transportation. Well, I can't drive, because I don't own a car. I could take the bus, although the drive from Salt Lake to Boise is pretty dangerous this time of year. Oh, I could take the train! Except that the train doesn't go to Boise anymore. Damn. I forgot. I know! I'll walk! Sure, I'll get there by Christmas, but I'll probably need to start walking now.

I'm sure my professors will understand when I explain I can't fly because I object to having my Bill of Rights violated.

You know, my roommate brought up an interesting point from an article she read. More people are projected to die in roadway accidents with this increased resistance to the new security measures in the coming year than died in the Wold Trade Center attacks.

So good job, TSA. Way to save lives.

Forecast of Snow with a Chance of Little Blinking Lights

It's the most wonderful time... of the year!

Down here behind the Zion Curtain, Christmas is a season, not a day. There are trees all over Temple Square, there are garlands and lights all over Main Street, and every lamppost now wears a "Happy Holidays" banner.

Christmas is, by far, the best of all pagan-turned-Christian-turned-secular holidays. Sure, those Jesus lovers think it's still a religious holiday, but let's be honest here, people. It's all about the lights, and the shiny things, and the trees, and the food, and the presents.

There's just something happy about Christmas. It's a break from reality. For (in SLC's case, a month) a few days, we all drop everything we're doing, eat food we otherwise avoid, and drink far too much alcohol. We throw snowballs, watch cheesy Christmas movies, and make fires in fireplaces.

And I just love it that it lasts for a month here. This means that even if it is freezing cold, and there is a foot of snow, there are also Christmas lights up, and there is at least one happy thing. Even if this city is run by insane, sexist Sprite-Drinkers, at least we have one thing in common. We both love those little colored lights. Even if we can't agree on funding education, or even making discrimination based on sexual orientation, at least we have those ridiculous garlands with this red velvet bows. For a lot of people, Christmas is stressful- they worry about their weight, or their relatives, or paying for everything. Maybe for some, those decorations are annoying, or maybe even insulting.

But let me tell you about Christmas in Portland. They are politically correct, and they don't do very much decorating. That is depressing. It's not because they aren't acknowledging the holiday or anything, it's just that, at least for me, blinking lights and tinsel and decorated trees are a reminder that we can't take ourselves too seriously. Yes, the economy sucks. Yes, it is cold, and dark, and the inversions are only going to pick up speed. Yes, the political situation is dire, as is global warming, and same with our war in the Middle East. But hey, there are also garlands. And strands of dried fruit. And little blue and green lights wrapped around hedges. It might seem like we're in a hole right now, and that everything is going to shit, but those lights remind me that we're going to be just fine. The decorations aren't about Christmas, not really. We could have just as good of decorations for any other holiday. They're supposed to represent joy, and a pause in our "grim reality." They aren't all dedicated to Christ, they're there to make you smile.

So thank God for that.

The Last Surprise

Here's some MS Paint blasphemy for you- I was inspired just as I fell asleep last night. Because everyone knows Jesus would rather have a party than some boring old dinner. I hope you enjoy my sloppy Paint skillz.

Today is the day before Election Day.

Or should I say ELECTION DAY. These commercials are getting ridiculous. My favorite one is the bit where we're taken to a Chinese lecture hall at some school sometime in the vague future. They talk about how the US failed, like all other empires, because they tried to spend their way out of a recession.

I think it's adorable that the Council for Ignorant Americans or whoever made the ad thinks any professor, Chinese or otherwise, would teach such stupidity. I can't think of any empires that failed because they tried to spend their way out of a recession. They also claim that China will own us, which isn't true. If people were paying better attention, they would have noticed that Japan recently bought most of our debts from China. So we're owned by the Japanese, idiots. It's cute because not only does it portray the Chinese as being evil, but it also acts like this recession (which I believe we're on the recovering end of, btw) is going to be the death of America.

There's another one that features a "Canadian" woman talking about how her government-run healthcare tried to kill her because she had cancer and they wouldn't take care of her. She goes on to say she came to the US and we took care of her. I have this to say- if she had the money to be treated in the US, she would've had the money to get fast treatment in Canada. It's not like they don't allow you to pay for treatment if you have the bank to pay for it.

Stupid politics.

Also, this last weekend was Halloween weekend. When Halloween is on every other day of the week, it just lasts for one night and it's over. But when Halloween is on a Sunday, everyone is really confused about when is the appropriate time to celebrate. This causes the phenomenon I am now dubbing "Halloween Weekend," when people spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday partying and/or begging for candy. My neighbors had parties all three nights, and it was obnoxious and annoying. I realize I'm supposed to be of the age when partying sounds great, but I'm not. I like sleep. I like lying in bed on a cold evening and reading a novel. I really don't care if people think I have the attitude of an old lady; I agree with them. So it was not appreciated when my neighbors' guests were screaming and shouting in the stairway outside my room.

So in general, I can't wait till Thanksgiving. No more political ads. No partying; who the hell parties on Thanksgiving? It will hopefully be quiet for a few days.

Till that Saturday, at least. And then our football team plays BYU.