I am a huge advocate for mass transportation. I do not own a car, and I hate walking uphill, so the best way to get to school is the train. (On that note, I could take the bus, but the train is easier. And while I believe in saving the Earth and its resources, blah blah blah, I also believe in conserving bodily energy-I'm lazy.)
Well, they've changed the train routes, and it has become slightly inconvenient for me. But I am persistent, and I will walk an extra block to avoid that stupid hill. However, the trains are packed with students all day long now. Maybe it's because it's become more convenient for them. Maybe it's because they have fewer trains running at peak hours. Either way, there are far more people.
I mean, packed. As in, we all become practically well acquainted enough for a second date. It's awkward, but because we're all college students, we embrace the awkwardness and get over it. For the most part, this approach works. Sometimes, though, it's just too much.
Like this morning. I ride the 7:30 train, because I am mentally unstable and I like to sign up for classes that are either far too early or far too late in the evening.
(Here was the internal dialogue- "I don't want to have to get up at six-fifteen to leave the house an hour later to catch a train to go to an early class." "But it's Human Biology! Diseases and stuff! That's what we love!" "I do not love it enough to get up that early." "Don't be stupid, yes you do." "Don't be stupid, you like sleep." "Not as much as I like science!" "We're insane." "Yes, yes we are.")
At seven-thirty in the morning, people are packed into the train like sardines. This morning, I stood next to a particularly-attractive football player type. He was very gracious about letting me shove my backpack into his stomach. It was packed, but hey, I could see out the window! The ride wasn't going to be that bad!
Well, here's the problem- I get on at the Library stop. There are two more stops between there and the school. At those two stops, there were thirty to fifty people waiting at each station. I guess what happens is that they see a few inches not being occupied by backpack or human, and they think they can fit into that space. Maybe they figure other people will just move around a bit.
Well, they won't. And there isn't space. When the door won't close until everyone is standing on top of each other, that is a sign there are too many people. That is a sign that no, actually, your bicycle will not fit in here with us. That is a sign that now is not the time for a phone call to your mother/boyfriend/proctologist.
It was the sad cherry on top of the awkward cake when the driver roared around a corner and caused me to stab Attractive Footballer in the chest with my elbow. I apologized, and he didn't say anything. That could be because he was trying to find his lungs after being impaled on the end of someone's humerus, or it could be that he was a gracious person. I'd hope for the latter, but I assume it was the former.
So, I have a few suggestions for the Utah Transit Authority, now that my morning commute has become as dangerous and predictable as a visit to a crack house.
First, add more trains to the University route. I realize that we aren't as big of a money-maker as other passengers, but still. Don't claim to have "streamlined" the route and then exceed maximum capacity on almost every run. It's dangerous, both to our physical and mental health. Having to ride for twenty minutes with someone's face in your breasts simply because they can't move anywhere else does not make me happy. It makes me violent.
Second, train your goddamned drivers. These newer trains respond differently than the old ones. They're fancier, and therefore respond to smaller amounts of power. When you drive them like the old ones, people fall over. When you have a large number of people in a small space, one person falling over causes them all to fall over. I'm thinking the amount of money spent to properly train your people is less than damages from lawsuits brought on by people seriously injured by being thrown across the train.
In reality, does complaining about UTA's follies here help me? No, not really. Does it make me feel better? Of course it does. I like to ride the train, because the stop at school is near the Anthropology building. I used to support UTA. Now, I'm thinking that hill might notbe so bad, after all.
