Mormon Report: an Outlook on Fashion

Capped sleeves are ugly.

I don't care what anyone says, they are unflattering and they're an obvious mark of a Mormon. I mean, who else would willingly wear them? It's like an anemic tee-shirt. Or a timid tank top.

According to what I've read- and believe it or not, a fair amount of research goes into my posts- LDS women don't show their shoulders because they see it as being immodest.

Certainly, there are plenty of Mormon women who wear tanks. I've read the opinions of a few, who say they wear swimsuits, and wear tanks when they exercise, but when they are out in public, they want to appear "modest."

Since when is a tank top "immodest?" I've never understood this. Shoulders are not sexual organs. Neither are arms. So maybe, as one person on the world wide web put it, tanks show off skin, and showing anything off is being immodest.

So I guess if I squint my brain I can kind of see what they mean. But here is where I depart from their fashion advice- the same person claims that flashy clothes distract people from worshiping God. I'd say that God is running counter to his/her/its teachings if our entire purpose is to worship him/her/it.

By the way, I am basing my retorts off one source in particular- certainly, there are other opinions out there, but as this woman is an LDS fashion consultant, I figured her opinion is most representative of what Mormon women are following. Here's her list on types of immodesty- http://www.jenmagazine.com/living/

Her first item is when people "look rich." I have a massive problem with this particular qualm. According to her words, buying lots of stuff means that you obviously have self esteem issues. In fact, that's a big theme in all her complaints. All I have to say is this- have you seen the Temple? I live two blocks from it. It could give the Buckingham Palace a run for its money, at least form what I've seen on the outside. If that isn't "flashy," I don't know what flashy means. Here we have a group of people preaching austerity, and yet it seems like all the LDS buildings I've seen are palaces.

"Jen's" second example of immodesty is "look! I'm scary!" Yet again, she's judging the people who fall into this proclaimed category as somehow being spiritually lacking and having low self esteem. This group includes (apparently) gangsters, goths, emos, people with tattoos, piercings, etc. In fact, I'm pretty sure this one is a blanket group for everyone who isn't rich or the third one, sexy. I certainly fall into this category. According to her ideals, it is against their teachings to be intimidating. Naturally, I am an intense person. I can't really help it. So I'm screwed. But if it's wrong to look intimidating, what about missionaries? They walk around in suits, knock on people's doors, and carry Bibles. I'm thinking that is more intimidating than someone wearing a ratty tee shirt sitting at a coffee shop.

Our third example is about looking sexy. She brings up the whole idea that "media" has objectified women over the years. However, she turns around and claims that the proper goal of women is to get married and have a family. Isn't that more objectification in the opposite direction? So anyway, she claims that dressing "sexily" will scare away potential husbands, and will only attract men who are interested in sex. Well, what's wrong with sex? I know, I know, it makes everyone turn bright red and edge away, but seriously, why is it such a horrible thing to like sex? Why must your only goal in going out be snagging a husband? Why not snag a casual boyfriend? Why not snag nothing at all, and just be happy with the way you look? When a woman wears a low-cut shirt, why does it have to mean she's looking to attract a mate? Why can't it simply be because she likes the way she looks?

Her final example's pretty weak. It's about looking "cool." Her only real explanation is that it is immodest to show off the fact that you're "cool" or "fashionable." Okay?

This particular consultant claims that all of her listed types of immodesty are examples of ways people try to boost their self esteem and gain attention. But isn't it just as bad to judge the way others look? Isn't that drawing attention to yourself, too? When an older woman glares at me at the store because I'm wearing a tank top, the only one drawing attention to herself is the one narrowing her eyes and wrinkling her nose. I don't care how I look to other people. I don't get dressed in the morning thinking, "I need to intimidate someone," or "I want people to think I'm sexy." Yes, I show a fair amount of cleavage (have you seen my boobs? I have to wear a turtleneck to hide those) and yes, I wear tank tops. The only person I'm doing any of this for, though, is me. This is why the Mormon philosophy is flawed- it is passing judgement on people with the assumption that person got dressed only to be a spectacle. Of course, there are plenty of people who dress to impress; don't try and tell me that those missionaries buy those suits to be comfy while they work. Modesty isn't about clothes. My sister wears shorts and low-cut shirts, and she also has a pretty prudent attitude about sexuality. A person can wear turtlenecks and slacks and still be promiscuous. A lot of judgement goes into the LDS belief system, and a WHOLE lot of judgement goes into their attitude about clothes.

Clothes are just clothes. Hopefully, you cover the basics, but bearing shoulders does not an immodest woman make. Beyond that, let your character define your amount of modesty. And don't let people assume you dressed that way for them.

Oh, and Mormons? The Victorian Era called, they want their capped sleeves back.

The Mormon Report: Volume One

So, at some point, I promised some friends of mine I would occasionally talk about my experiences with the LDS Church down here in Salt Lake. Because I am crude and I have no class, I've decided to call these the Mormon Reports.

A Disclaimer: if you are Mormon, you are reading this, and your blood pressure is steadily rising, please take note- I'm not trying to be disrespectful, I'm simply expressing my point of view, albeit with a potty mouth.

I'm not mormon, never have been, and I have no desire to be one. Yes, I moved to Utah, this is true. I moved here from Idaho, which has its own fair share of mormons. I am vaguely familiar with the nuances of their culture.

But never before have I experienced a Mormon Holiday. Today was what is known as Pioneer Day- they're celebrating the LDS exodus from the eastern US to the Great Salt Lake.

My day started when a fighter jet flew low over my apartment, immediately giving me the impression that we were under attack. But no, it was simply the beginning of the parade. After which, we observed a string of floats with various LDS undertones as they wound through downtown Salt Lake.

Thankfully, the route turned one block from my apartment, sparing us any direct noise. This in itself was somewhat of a miracle, because I only live two blocks from the Temple. There were people camping out along the route starting last night. Apparently, the parade's a big deal.

And then there were the floats themselves. They were culturally stereotypical and politically incorrect. Part of me wanted to watch as an observing anthropologist, and accept that this was a part of their culture. A bigger part of me was outraged by their apparent lack of factuality.

After the parade, my mom and I had breakfast, got dressed, and went out to go see the U's campus. For the record, I love that campus. It's how a proper school should look- enormous buildings, sweeping grounds, giant trees, and wide bike and walking paths. It's a great place.

After this, we had a most enjoyable lunch, and then decided to go have a look at the capitol building. This is probably the most majestic-looking state capitol I've ever seen. However, more mormon hijinks were to be had.

First of all, I was wearing a tank top. According to Mormon creed, shoulders are immodest. Knees are equally immodest, at least in the eyes of some. I've had old ladies glare at me before- I mean, I wear sweatshirts and swear like a sailor- but I've never experienced anything like this. Whole families were avoiding me. As we walked down the hall in the capitol, looking at exhibits, even the children regarded me as an alien and flocked away towards the stairs. It was bizarre.

Finally, the silver lining on this bizarre cloud. As I sit writing this, fireworks of all colors, shapes, and sizes are crackling across the valley. It's quite spectacular. For as weird as today has been, this view is certainly impressive.

I have plans for my Mormon Reports. Not, as I've said, to be offensive, but to simply explore the LDS church from my own viewpoint. Like any other culture, they deserve respect, even if I disagree with them. Their views on some things are trivial and downright offensive in some ways. This said, it's hardly fair to criticize a group of people without attempting to understand them.

Patriotism

I am a passionate person. I'm not lying; I am. I'm passionate about politics, about anthropology, about science. I work hard to do my own "fact finding," rather than let some network tell me what I should know.

And I am an angry person. I'm infuriated by a lot of things- bad drivers, ignorance, old people.

But you know what makes me angrier than anything else?

Being told I'm not American.

This just blows me away. How can anyone tell me I'm not American? I have the birth certificate, driver's license, and passport to prove it. My ancestors got here on the damned Mayflower, people. I'm about as American as they get.

But no, because I have certain political beliefs, I hear that I'm not American. I worked for the ACLU for years. Somehow, that makes me un-American. I believe in taxes. That makes me un-American, too. I think we should make it easier for people to become citizens, rather than having to sneak into the country. That makes me un-American, too.

Who are the people who are making these designations, exactly? Sarah Palin? John Boehner? Mitch McConnell? Rush Limbaugh?

Who the hell died and crowned them oligarchs of America? Who the hell made them the people that decide what patriotism is?

Patriotism is love for and devotion to one's country; it is not the blind following of those who are backed by multi-million dollar campaign funds. In my mind, the highest act of patriotism in our country is to work for the benefit and protection of the people. Funny how easily they forget that whole "of the people, for the people, by the people" thing. How dare they be against public health care? What, are they against the health of the American people?

And what about taxes? How can they call themselves "patriots," and then give tax cuts to the top twenty percent of incomes? Or did they not realize that taxes are how we pay for public programs, like Butch Otter's transportation bill he wanted last year?

Or how about them criticizing Obama for vacationing in Maine, instead of the Gulf area? Isn't that valuing one state over another? Isn't it good that they spent money in the US, in general?

And last time I checked, these people were pretty quick to throw the Katrina refugees under the bus, even though we're still talking about the same area of the country.

No, these "champions of patriotism" are doing a pretty spectacular job of working against Americans. It sickens me that they have run, unchecked, for such a long time. Republicans and Democrats are not looking out for the good of the people; they're looking out for the good of the party. We're so caught up in party politics that we sometimes forget that we all have one thing in common- this is just as much the Democrats' country as it is the Republicans'.

No party has dibs over patriotism.

My best friend in the entire world is a Christian, and a Republican. He and I disagree on a wide range of things, and we are close enough that we can discuss those differences. This is the problem with politics today- we address one another on a group basis, not an individual one. If we stripped away the money, the affiliations, the parties, and just made representatives talk to each other, we would see better results. I make fun of Mormons, Christians, Republicans, et cetera, but it's a lot harder to do so when you know them on a personal basis. I met a woman who was a devout Mormon, and she was also intelligent, considerate, and fairly open-minded. She was not the brainless automaton that I expected to find, even if she was my age and married. I related to her on a personal level, and my biases faded away. She became an individual with a face and a name.

If we all took a little more time to get to know our opposing viewpoints from a personal stance, we could discuss real issues and leave the misinformation and name-calling out of the discussion. In the end, as I've said, we are all still Americans. We all felt pain on 9/11. We all celebrate the Fourth of July. We all share some aspects of life in common, regardless of our party affiliation, our denomination, or our education. We all share about 99.9% of the same DNA. When we get down to it, there is a way to be civil and have real discussions. Everyone simply needs to be willing to reach that point- and I mean everyone. The conservatives, the liberals, the moderates, the Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, the rich, the poor, and everyone in between. No more bullshit. No more trying to designate who is patriotic and who isn't.

Hopefully our collective blood pressure can hold out till then.

Three Cheers for the 208

There are officially twelve days between me and departure from the puddle capital of the world. To say that I am excited would be an understatement.

I am ecstatic. I'm am jubilant. I can hardly contain myself every time I remember I have a little less than two weeks.

Portland's been nice, but I cannot wait to get back to Idaho.

After ridiculing my home state for years, I am fiercely proud to call the Gem State my home. Yes, Idaho has some severe flaws- namely, the state government- but it's home for me. After living in a city, a real one that has few, if any, connections to what "rural" really is, I feel like the people who do not think cattle on the highway is an unusual sight are in short supply. I've been told over the years that us hicks know nothing of the world around us. After experiencing people who cannot think much farther beyond their immediate settings, I've got to say, close-minded people can be found everywhere. They're like cockroaches. It doesn't matter whether you're in Hong Kong or Peru, you're going to find a few of the little suckers.

Liberals can be just as close-minded as conservatives. In my opinion, close-minded liberals are worse. A close-minded neo-con might be racist and might think Christianity is the only belief out there worth mentioning, but close-minded liberals will dump paint on people who wear leather or fur. They're both bad. I grew up with a fair amount of conservatives. My best friend is conservative, and he says things that make me want to clock him.

But I don't. I'm polite. I've been raised to accept the existence of countering view points. Some of the people I've encountered in Idaho are not quite so accepting. I was once told I was going to hell because I don't live like "good Christians." (Speaking of which, what the hell happened to the whole, "love thy neighbor" shit?) Luckily, I don't believe in hell, so I'm not too worried.

Here in Portland, I've also been verbally assaulted by people whoa re shocked to find out that I disagree with them. I don't think capitalism is bad. I think corrupt capitalism is bad. Corrupt anything is bad. I don't think we should all go live on farms. I've been on real farms. They smell horrible. I'd much rather go be an anthropologist than milk cows. Sorry, but it's the truth. I enjoy our stratified labor system. I'm okay with buying food at a store. Honestly, I have more important things in my life than making sure I am entirely self-sustained.

But, as is often the case, I digress.

I cannot wait to get back to Idaho. I can't wait to see my friends and family. I cannot wait to see my lizard, and my dogs, and my cat. I can't wait to go up to my cabin and get a good breath of fresh mountain air.

Fun fact- Portland has a worse air quality than Los Angeles. Good job.

I also cannot wait to be more than 50 feet above sea level. I swear to god, the low altitude has been causing a huge percentage of my migraines. I like living around mountains. The ocean is nice, but nothing beats those craggy peaks and twisting roads.

I've been staying connected to the City of Trees via the Boise Weekly online. It's great- I can stay connected to the restaurant and music scenes from five hundred miles away.

The other day, well, okay, a few weeks ago, they interviewed NPR's Renee Montagne. I personally love her, and I was sad that she was in Boise while I was not.

Someone commented on the article that they hoped the author taught her how to properly pronounce "Boise." According to this commenter, it's pronounced with a soft S, rather than a Z.

I disagree. I say it both ways, and I am from Boizeee.

The commenter's clever moniker was "The Native Idahoan." After reading this, I cam to two conclusions:

1. I am willing to bet this person is incredibly arrogant and I would most likely throttle "Native" until he/she could not breathe.

2. He/She is probably from California.

I mean, how rude is it, after reading how this person got to interview one of the most widely-known radio people in our age to say, "I hope you taught her how to say 'Boise.'" He/She/It claims that only people who moved to town pronounce it with a Z.

Well, then.

BOIZEE BOIZEE BOIZEE.

Alright, I got that out of my system.

Reading some other comments on various articles, I realized that not very many of the commenters have lives beyond the internet.

One of the most heavily-commented sections is Bill Cope's corner of the BW universe. Admittedly, he has said things in the past that have made me roll my eyes. This said, I admire the fact that he puts himself out there and writes what he feels. You don't see any of the cute neo-con commenters using their real names. One of the most frequent ones is some human by the name of Patience Dogood.

I'm sorry, but unless you are Zombie Ben Franklin, fresh from the grave, you have no right to use that moniker. It is taken. Please go read some Shakespeare and gain some creativity.

The next thing I wonder about these people is why are they wasting their time reading a clearly-liberal editorial writer? Don't they have a tea party to attend?

So, yes, Idaho has some decidedly-backwards people. We have some progressive people, too. We have the hippies in the North End of Boise, we have celebrities up at Sun Valley, we have Mormons in the south, and neo-Nazis in the north. Idaho is the state where weirdos go to find some space.

And that's okay. I'm a weirdo, too.

Being from Idaho keeps things in perspective. The mayor of Portland is under fire for having an affair with a coworker. Yes, this is naughty, but the governor of Idaho would happily do away with public education. One of our governor hopefuls wanted Fish and Game to issue Obama hunting tags. Those are politicians with issues. Affairs are naughty, but who the hell cares? I'd rather have a guy who gets around than a guy with the IQ of his tight-fitting jeans.

It seems incredible to me, but I prefer living with conservatives to living with liberals.

Don't get me wrong, I still think ATVs are ridiculous. I will never think that fridges belong on the porch. I hope country "music" dies a horrible, fiery death. This said, I'd rather live around someone who can drive a tractor than someone who thinks owning a chicken makes you a farmer.

Blog of the Dead: A Salute to Zombies

Let us talk about my favorite genre of fiction- zombie stories.

I love zombies. Absolutely love them. 28 Days Later is, in my opinion, the best movie ever made by man. I mean, Danny Boyle directed it. Danny Boyle, the man who brought us Slumdog Millionaire, gave the world the best movie ever. It is not just a zombie movie- it is a work of art. He uses unique filming techniques and an unusual selection of music. It's incredible. It's my idea of a romantic movie- I mean, come on, only a man who really, truly loves you will kill the undead with his bare hands for you.

Zombies are the greatest. Anthropologically, it's the ultimate "us" versus "other" situation. Psychologically, it embodies our fears of death and the afterlife with the mental dilemma of whether or not reanimated corpses still contain some fragment of the person we knew. Entertainment-wise, there's nothing better than adrenaline-fueled sequences of gore and screaming.

And then there are the masters of zombie fiction. George A. Romero, for starters, who brought us Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead (and it's remake), and all of its subsequent sequels. He gave us The Crazies, a film not necessarily about zombies, but pretty damn close. Just for good measure, he remade that one, too. You know a director is dedicated to his genre when he's the one remaking his movies.

And then there's Max Brooks, author of The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z. I own the former, and it's fantastic. The latter, however, is a true masterpiece. Brooks uses it to critique various governments and the different cultures that span our globe. I love it. Zombie infection is a global problem, and he depicts localized responses to it.

Finally, there are all of the independent and B-list movies. Bad filming, low budget costumes and effects, and cliched scripts are a huge part of what makes this genre. The fake blood, the unrealistic wounds, the well-known roles characters must fill- the weak one, the leader, the person with alterior motives, the dumb one who does as he's told, and the dumb one who's stubborn and is eventually eaten.

Zombie stories are the best medium for examining humanity, in my opinion. A bad zombie movie is simply a festival of gore, which itself can be entertaining, but a good zombie movie can explore everything from gun control, to functionality of government, to xenophobia. In Land of the Dead, zombies are learning how to use tools and weapons. It begs the question, are they really so different from us? Or are they simply doing to us as we did to the Neanderthals?

Like I've said, I love zombie stories. I've written a few of my own. I have an emergency "In Case of Zombie" plan. My friend has a blog devoted to zombies. Obsessed? Well, yes I am. I've loved zombie movies ever since the 7th grade. There's just something undeniably satisfying about them. There's a Facebook group called "Some Days I Wish I Could Just Go Kill Zombies." I am totally zombie-crazed, but that's okay. It could be a lot worse. I could be obsessed with dressing up like comic book characters. Worse still, I could be obsessed with Twilight.

Nope, I'm okay with being zombie crazed. It's not like I'm out of touch with reality or anything. I know zombies aren't real.

But if they are, you know I'll be the first one to say, "I told you so."

What Fools These Mortals Be

Today was "National Explain Magnets to a Juggalo Day," in case you hadn't heard. That's okay, I didn't know it was until a few hours ago, either.

For those of you fortunate enough not to know what a Juggalo is, I will explain. Juggalos are people that follow the band Insane Clown Posse. It's actually turned into somewhat of a cult. Genereally, their followers are on the lower end of the education spectrum, have a tendency to speak in a violent manner, and, as one of the band's latest songs informed us knowledgeable folk, they do not understand what magnets are.

Here is a link for you, it's a semi-valuable waste of nine minutes of your life- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7WXoMp8Ews&feature=fvw.

Now that you have watched the video, you understand why I regard ICP (seriously, guys? what the hell is up with that name?) fans as uneducated individuals with bird-sized brains. These people are, for lack of a better term, idiots.

And they're not idiots we can ignore, either.

I don't agree with censorship of any kind. I think people are entitled to listen to what they want, read what they want, and say what they want. This said, making threats on the lives of other people is illegal. Over the last few years, there have been various incidents where people have been beaten, and sometimes killed, for pointing out the plain truth about ICP- it's the poorest excuse for entertainment our species has ever seen.

Now, I normally have little to do with these people. In fact, the last time I had anything to do with a "Juggalo" was a former boyfriend of mine who listened to ICP and identified himself using that beyond stupid title. I informed him he could either date me, or stick with that crap- I refuse to have anything to do with a group that promotes senseless violence and ignorants. From the snapshot of this "Juggalo" lifestyle that I got, I surmised a few things.

Juggalos are not smart. It's the truth. According to various sources, the average IQ in the US is 98. I'm thinking the entire mass of ICP fans falls well below this number.

Because they are not smart, Juggalos write off any form of intellect. Rather than respect the fact that experts spend years in school to know what they know, these imbecilic creatures regard all intellectuals as "elitists" and claim that experts are "lying." I hope ICP realizes this kind of thought is what created Cambodia's Killing Fields. Then again, I doubt either of those two buffoons have ever taken a world history class.

Juggalos claim to be tougher than everyone else. They frequently threaten to harm anyone who disagrees with them. I find this particularly interesting, because, at least on the internet, Juggalos tend to hide behind cute monikers like "Juggalette64." (Juggalettes are female versions of Juggalos. They are all the same except that the former generally wear bad make-up instead of bad face-paint.) As I have said before, the internet gives balls to those who would not otherwise have any. I generally use some form of my name as a screen-name, and I don't fear people. I had a "Juggalette" once threaten to "beat me up," and I welcomed the challenge. I don't mean to sound tough, I simply don't fear people. Especially not if they need the security of a name like "TwiztedGuy" to feel brawny.

I guess one of the biggest reasons I burst out laughing at these people is not what they call themselves (Juggalo.... Who else thinks "male prostitute?") but the effort they put into adhering to their standards. They wear ridiculous clothing and far too much stage make-up. They all gel their hair into disgusting, spiky masses. The best part is, they claim that everyone else in society is conforming, and that they are unique individuals. I cannot help but laugh. Here they are, investing thousands into buying music, special clothes, hair dye, face paint, and merchandise, and they claim they are not conforming to some standard. I suppose it boils down to the fact that they are as educated as rocks, but still. I'm a strong believer in researching something before you make a claim.

Some fo them try and say that their way of life is a kind of subculture. I'm an anthropology major, and I'm all for respecting cultures. However, the ICP following is no such thing. Every aspect of it has been manufactured. Every part relies heavily on participation within the capitalist system, something their own followers claim to be against. The "Juggalo Way of Life" is a sham. It's a gimmick. There is no creativity involved.

And now, forgive me for being arrogant. It angers me whenever people attempt to tell others how to live, and as much as I despise ICP and their lemming-like followers, I respect their right to exist. What makes me mad is the fact that they not only tolerate, but preach violence and hate. And while the band members themselves say they have the right to sing whatever they like, the fact that their followers practice violence and intolerance is disgraceful. The song I posted preaches against science and expertise and promotes ignorance. This I cannot tolerate. People who preach ignorance, especially people who have a following, deserve to lose their rights as citizens. Those two morons have no right to be spreading hate.

And, luckily for me, no one reads my blog. I'm sure that if an ICP fan out there (really with the name?) read this, I'd get some kind of hate-mail describing how he/she would "kick my ass." Honestly, I wouldn't care. Like I've said, I'm not afraid of people. They can threaten intellectuals all they want, but luckily, trailer trash never amounts to much in the bigger picture.

Again, I apologize for the arrogance and the momentary outburst of anger. It just gets annoying when I think of how hard experts work to recreate ideas about the world, only to have deranged asses like those of ICP try and destroy modern knowledge with moronic lyrics and merchandise.

Glenn Beck is The Voice of Reason? What the Hell is In the Water?

I watch The View. We all know this. I am secretly an old lady. My greatest desire is to have a Snuggie. (Not really)

Barbra Walters is an adorable, partially-clueless old lady. Sherri Shepherd occasionally says intelligent things. Elizabeth Hasselbeck is mostly an airhead, but at least she is a good mom. And Whoopi. Need I say more about Whoopi Goldberg?

And then there is Joy Behar. Most of the time, I agree with her. I mock her thick New Yorker accent. She's entertaining.

But the other day, she opened her mouth about something that made me realize she should stick to comedy and leave intellectual debate to us grown-ups.

They were discussing the would-be Times Square bomber. I call him "would-be" because he didn't actually bomb anything. To be honest, that had to be the most pathetic attempt at terrorism that I have ever seen. I mean, for fuck's sake, I cause more terror when driving on the connector on a fresh layer of snow. The dimwit should have stuck with something simple. Like dynamite. Or McDonald's. Hey, it takes awhile, but heart disease will kill more people this year than any silly bomb.

All Osama has to do to cause another media circus and mild panic is release a video tape. But this fool, Faisal, couldn't even blow up a car. He should have hired some Manchester United fans. They would have taught him some things about properly destroying cars. And then supposedly he's connected to the Pakistan installment of the Taliban. One would imagine that their leaders would be backing away from this so fast they'd leave skid marks. Who wants to claim responsibility for the world's most epic fail?

I don't mean to make light of someone attempting to blow up a clunker SUV in tourist central. I'm just pointing out that this was pretty much the worst recorded case of terrorism ever. The man sucked at making bombs, the people on the ground in New York reported the SUV, and the FBI caught our wannabe anarchist in record time. I mean, talk about the best anti-terror response time I've ever seen. Nothing was harmed, the dumb-ass was caught, so one would think that we could just all chill the fuck out.

But oh, no, Americans suck at chilling out. We have perfected the act of over-thinking things. We invented the "What If" game. You would think we'd all be shitting diamonds, with all this intensity.

John McCain (and others) claims the FBI screwed up by reading this idiot his Miranda Rights. Somehow, our Crazies-In-Residence seem to think we could have better pumped him of information has we not informed him of his Constitutionally-given rights. Funny enough, all the reports coming out have stated he's been entirely cooperative.

Now, a Miranda warning is pretty much a no-brainer- you don't give someone their Miranda rights before interrogation, and anything he says is guaranteed to be inadmissible in court. There have been plenty of court cases dismissed on the technicality of the accused not being given their rights. In the case of a moron who tried to bomb a public area, not giving him his Miranda warning could, in essence, allow him to walk away unscathed. Is that really what you want, John McCain? Funny, the actual court case that gave us the Miranda warning was Miranda v. Arizona. How easily they forget.

Anyway, back to The View. Joy claimed that while he may be a naturalized citizen, our government still should have been monitoring him. Basically, her attitude was that because he had ties to a volatile region in Pakistan, and he wasn't "born here," his citizenship should be conditional.

I'm sorry, Ms. Behar, but citizenship isn't conditional. You either are, or you are not. He's a citizen, and should be treated like a citizen. You didn't see them arguing over Timothy McVeigh's citizenship, and he actually killed people.

All this side, my biggest beef with Behar was this: Whoopi said that Miranda warnings are a part of your constitutional rights, to which Joy claimed that Whoopi was wrong, it has nothing to do with the Constitution, and that it is just a law. This, of course, is absolute bull. Miranda warnings are an extension of the Constitution; specifically, Miranda warnings are in place to guarantee the observance of the accused's fifth and sixth-amendment rights. One would think the staff at The View has access to the internet. Maybe even Wikipedia. It angers me when a program with thousands, if not millions, of viewers misrepresents the facts.

And so, Joy Behar is a moron, just like Faisal Shahzad. Her biggest problem is that she is a comedian, not a reporter, and certainly not a scholar. She doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. If she doesn't want to research something, she has no right to talk about it. For so many people, shows like The View are a major source of news. There are people out there who, unlike myself, take this show seriously. Blatant ignorance should not be tolerated. Xenophobia amplifies ignorance.

I might just be a college student with a blog, but I never form an opinion, much less express an opinion, unless I've researched the topic. God gave us Google for a reason. I realize how alarmed New Yorkers must have been by the actions of this idiot and his SUV, but that is no reason to spew bullshit. Especially when Glenn Beck is the one defending the observance of Miranda laws. I mean, you know you're in for a world of hurt when the voice of media reason is Glenn Beck.