Politics Becomes an Assessment of Holidays

I think Republicans should be banned from the face of the Earth. Then again, I think Democrats should be given the same treatment. Why has no one managed to heed George Washington's advice, given in his farewell address?
The good man warned the nation against political parties. He said they would lead to the division of the nation, which could be detrimental to the government's efficacy.
We've done a great job with that one.
He also said we should not become involved in the affairs of other countries. We have one of our own to run, and that's hard enough.
We've also managed to botch that one pretty well, too.
And now we celebrate the Fourth of July by drinking in excess and shooting off fireworks.

It seems to me we do a pretty poor job with holidays, come to think of it.

The pilgrims most likely did not eat turkey at their first Thanksgiving, nor was it the last Thursday of November. They managed to wipe out an entire indigenous people with foreign diseases and an unfair weapons advantage.
And now we teach small children that Indians and Pilgrims got along just fine. No mention of the fact that we've turned around and forced Indian nations onto designated bits of land. We took pretty much everything that was sacred to them. And now little kids color pictures of smiling Indians in headdresses and happy, porky pilgrims eating turkey.
Why do we even call it Turkey Day? What the hell does native oppression and/or cultural unity have to do with turkeys? The turkey isn't even our national bird (and not for a lack of trying, on Ben Franklin's part). Maybe we should refer to it as Eagle Day, and celebrate by roasting eagles. After all, isn't that just as plausible as turkeys?

And how about Easter? Completely bastardized. What was once solely-religious, the return of Christ and all that, has now become a candy-crazed manic festival involving eggs and chicks and bunnies (bunnies? Really?) that leave candy-filled eggs and other gifts for kids the morning of the holiday.
How the hell have rabbits become associated with the return of Christ? Was he a rodent? Was he known for eating carrots? Did his disciples perhaps know him to be a timid character, and so dubbed him "The Bunny?"
Maybe it's because the image of Jesus hiding plastic eggs in bushes and trees is a bit silly. Certainly, a rabbit doing such a job is far more realistic.

And Christmas. The granddaddy of consumer mania. Retailers rely on money spent on this single holiday alone more than on any other occasion on the calendar.
And what, again, was the original point of Christmas?
Supposedly, we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior (if you cannot tell, I have more than a little disdain for the whole affair).
And we celebrate it by spending absurd amounts of money on things like small lights and inflatable snowmen?
This is not to say I am against getting presents, on the contrary, I think Christmas is wonderful in this respect. But we really should stop harboring all pretense about just what we're celebrating. There are the few out there who have a real view of Christmas, go to church the Eve and Day of, and embrace the holiday at its core. But the rest of us should really just call it Consumer Day.

And why the hell have we not bastardized other religious holidays?
Why is there no Rabbit hopping around hiding matzoh balls? Why don't we have a pre-Ramadan shopping frenzy? How come we haven't capitalized by creating some kind of Solstice Fairy who leaves presents to well-behaved children?

My proposition is this: find some unconventional holiday, unconventional in terms of the rest of the populace's awareness, and create some kind of silly symbol for the holiday. We need a President's Day Goose, an End of Daylight Savings Fairy, etc. I've had enough of this consumer-crazed nonsense.
It's time to come up with some ideas of our own.