Why Vegetarians are Loonies (Yes, I Can Sense the Irony)

And now, I turn my ugly, sarcastic head towards vegetarians.

This comes with some irony, as I myself am vegetarian.

Well, not really. I am technically what is called "pescetarian." That's with a "sk" sound. Don't believe me? Here's the Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pescetarianism

Basically, I eat fish and shellfish. Yes, I know, I am a sinner in the eyes of "true" vegetarians everywhere. It's just awful, I'm a terrible person, I'm a liar, yes, yes, I don't care.

I call myself vegetarian because people know what that is. Few people know what pescetarianism is. In fact, even SpellCheck doesn't know what it is. Hence why I go with vegetarian. I just call myself a lazy vegetarian. It works.

I really am a lazy pescetarian, actually, because I (gasp) eat things that contain gelatin. Yes, I know, yet again, I am a horrible person. Whatever. Bother someone else with your silly PETA crap.

The drawback from associating yourself with being vegetarian is that, like calling yourself a Satanist, people immediately view you in a certain light. Especially if you're from Idaho. Idaho is an agriculture state. Yes, it has Micron, and some other dandy things, but let us face the music; we are known for our cows and our spuds. When I call myself a vegetarian, I can almost see the other person thinking this over. He's thinking about that hamburger he ate for lunch and wondering how soon I'll start ranting about animal rights.

Happily, he'll discover that I'm not going to do that. Why? I'm not a vegetarian for the reasons that most people are vegetarians. I'm not interested in saving animal lives. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like baby animals just as much as the next schmuck, but saving them is not my top priority.

We all know now that I like Portland. It's a great place. However, the amount of crazed PETA fans that reside here is astounding. And let me tell you, the amount of misinformation they spew is just as bad as Faux News.

"Humans aren't supposed to eat meat."

WRONG. We have been eating meat since antiquity, you fool. We are omnivores. Omni- means everything. We eat meat, we eat fish, we eat plants, we eat grains. Welcome to science. Put down the clipboard and go back to school.

"We have no right to eat animals."

WRONG. We are omnivores. We eat meat; this is inevitable. We need protein, and it is a hell of a lot easier for us to get those from flesh than from a wide variety of nuts and grains. Most people on this planet do not have access to a Whole Foods store. We have as much right to eat animals as any other omnivore/carnivore species.

The truth is, supporting animal rights and eating meat are not mutually exclusive. A person can enjoy a steak and still believe animals deserve to be treated humanely. We eat meat, and eating meat is not bad. If you think that it is wrong for anything to eat meat, you are a loony.

The problem is not eating meat; it is our culture surrounding the processing of meat. We are an industrialized country. In fact, we are a hyper-industrialized country. Our schools are built like factories. And, unfortunately, so is our food production. We don't treat animals like living, breathing beings; we treat them like bits of plastic. Whether or not you support baby bunnies, does factory-produced food sound appetizing? Cars should come from factories, not food. No creature's last moments of life should be in a machine. This is as far as my poetic animal rights self goes.

The traditional attitude towards livestock is that they are a source of well-being. Most cultures regard animals as income, as assets, and as a source of food. I prefer this cultural attitude towards meat over one that wants meat to be completely separate from its original form- chicken nuggets are a form of meat that does not remotely resemble a chicken. We have essentially taken the meat out of meat; people are disgusted when their food still has eyes or a face because most people in America don't think of their food in terms of a living thing with which we share a few traits. I've eaten shrimp with their heads attached, and I've had fish that still had eyes. It doesn't gross me out simply because when I think of fish or shrimp or shellfish, I think of them as living things, not as nicely-shaped patties. My mandate, as both an anthropology student and a vegetarian, is that I will eat meat while in the field, simply because most cultures think of meat in terms of the living animal, not in terms of a shaped and processed thing. People who live closer to livestock better appreciate the meat they eat. I think this is where meat in America should go- people should become more involved in their food, whether that means we all should keep chickens in the back yard, or we should at least bring back more traditionally-modeled butcher shops. I want to see whole birds and halves of beef in a shop window because I will appreciate its origins. When we see a carrot, we can appreciate its origins as a root. When we see a steak, we should be able to appreciate its origins as well.

So, you see, I'm not a bleeding heart like some of the nutters over at PETA. I'm not interested in running about naked holding a fake hatchet to make a statement. This doesn't cause people to be better educated on your position, it makes people feel alienated. Stop lecturing people on why they shouldn't eat. Try, instead, to modify your behavior. This is the only thing any of us really can do to create change. I'm not interested in saving a bunch of domestic cows only to have them die of natural causes a few years later because of the way they've been bred. All I'm interested in is addressing the culture that has made it okay not to care where our food started in life. This is what has led to our "obesity crisis." People are okay with putting vile chemicals in their bodies simply because they don't understand where it came from, and needn't be bothered with how their food was processed. This isn't an issue about whether or not to eat meat, or about animal rights- this is about people who are obsessed with eating, but don't care about food.

I realize I've been incredibly long-winded about this, but this is a genuine issue to me. Food is vital, (I mean, hello?) but we don't care about the preparation of it. We've become such a specialized society that we cannot even be bothered with doing our own food production. If everyone lived with just a little bit more awareness of their food, we would all be a little bit healthier. It astounds me when people say they cannot cook- I mean, how does one feed oneself if one cannot cook? Food is simple, or at least, it can be. All we have to do is gain a little bit more personal interest in it.

My last month in Portland.

Greetings, Earthlings.

First of all, I realize there are maybe three people who read this blog. But that's alright. This is more my thoughts on a computer screen than my attempt to captivate readers. If you like what I say, congrats. If you don't, well, the internet is a big place. You can find pretty much anything out here.

And now, to my rant. I realize that was a poor transition, and I can feel the souls of English teachers past writhing in agony. Then again, the internet is filled with poor writing skills. Why not add to it?

Anyway, I have forty-one more days in Portland. That is just shy of six weeks, for those who dislike math. Six weeks have never felt so long.

Portland is a cool place, don't get me wrong. It's fun to visit- Voodoo Doughnuts, Powell's bookstore, the Saturday Market, et cetera. Portland is practically the food mecca of the US. There is an abundant supply of Thai cuisine.

But I am not crazy about living here. I moved here to be with a guy. He, in turn, stopped talking to me the moment I moved here. It sucks, but I am over it.

Unfortunately, this means I have been living here in order to participate in a plan that no longer exists. So that sucks, as well. However, within this, for lack of a better word, interesting situation, I made an incredible discovery- I was studying the wrong major. I am here at Portland State to study International Studies. What I really love, however, is Anthropology. I love it. Absolutely love it. Unfortunately, I would have to pay a lot of money if I switch majors here. So this summer, I am relocating to University of Utah.

I'm not going to lie- it's tough to live in a place that reminds you of a plan that no longer exists. I wake up here on a regular basis and feel overwhelmed by the amount of time I have left. However, there are moments- when I'm shopping at Powell's, when it is sunny out and I go for walks- when living in Portland is not a burden. Rather, I cannot help but feel like leaving Portland will be difficult. In a weird, twisted way, I've developed Stockholm Syndrome towards this city.

That's right, after everything, after all the complaints of hipsters, smokers, and homeless people, I will admit it- I like Portland. I can remember why I wanted to move here in the first place, and it wasn't just for a man. I wanted to be here because Portland manages to be a city without giving up trees. They have a rich and gritty history. Most of all, Portland is that rare gem of a city- it's urban and western. New York and Chicago are impressive places, no doubt; I respect both places, and not just because the best Anthropology departments are located at Columbia and University of Chicago. However, they are a part of the eastern US- the old US. To toss aside grammar and twelve years of English education, the West is where it's at.

And yes, this is basically the most emotional and metaphorical I'm going to get on a blog. I'm about as openly emotional as a printer. Some would call a person with my characteristics a "bottler." Those people are also psychiatrists, and I don't put much stock in their snake oil.

I will miss Portland. I will miss the farmer's market. I will miss Voodoo Doughnuts. God, will I miss Powell's. All this aside, I cannot wait to leave. Living in Portland is a fragment of a plan that ended in September, and moving to Salt Lake is the first step in my "un-plan." I don't have any goals besides enjoying life and investing my time in things that seem valuable to me. I listen to my younger friends fret about "what they want to do with their lives," and I know just how they feel. My only piece of advice to them is that they never have to know where their lives are going. They don't have to plan ahead. We're all so centered on what's happening in the future that we end up making our present miserable. And when the only thing guaranteed in our future is that at some point, we will die, who wants to live in a constant state of planning?

Meg Fills Out the Census Form

Ah, the US Census.

No, my conservative friends, it is not Big Brother's attempt to know where you live and who you are. I regret to inform you, but Big Brother already knows where you live. How do you think they got the Census form to you?

In fact, let us stop calling Obama's administration "Big Brother." Especially if you're a conservative. Just give up. You have no right to compare a moderate to Orwellian paranoia. Ever heard of the PATRIOT Act?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

And stop calling Obama a socialist. Do you even know what a socialist is? Did you sleep through your government class? Obama is about as socialist as Reagan.

But I digress.

The US Census form. I got mine today; it's different from yours because I live in a dorm. This one is called the "Individual Census Report." It only has seven questions.

Let us go through them now; it will only take approximately five minutes, according to the form.

Question One: My name.

Now, this seems that it should not be necessary; after all, they were perfectly able to print my full name on the envelope.

Question Two: What is my sex?

They were clever and went with bubble-in answers, rather than a fill-in-the-blank. My answer, in that case, would have been no thank you.

Question Three: What is my age and date of birth?

Now, seeing as the government is the group that gave me my social security number, as well as recognized my birth certificate, you would think they would already have this info. So we go to...

Question Four: Am I Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin?

Now, here is a very interesting question. Ignoring the fact that they do not go into depth in any other minority, I must point out the obvious- Spain is across the pond, kids. Spanish origin is from a different continent than Hispanic origin.

Question Five: What is my race?

Now, here is the most flawed question of all. They offer me a minimum of twelve choices, with two places where I may write-in my own. However, of these, the only choice applicable to me is "white." I argue against this, however. I am not Italian. I'm not French. I'm not Polish, Hungarian, or Belgian. My ancestry comes from the British Isles. And yet, the entire continent of European origin (except Spain) is represented by "white." I could be Hawaiian, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Samoan, or Chamorro, but I can only be "white."

And beyond all this, there is no such thing as "race," dear children. Race denotes subspecies. There is no subspecies of Homo sapiens, thought Rush Limbaugh would indicate otherwise. What you are looking for, dear Census Bureau, is ethnicity. Get it right, or don't ask.

Climbing down off my high horse and moving on.

Question Six: Do I live or stay in this facility MOST OF THE TIME?

Choosing yes completes the form. However, what do they mean exactly by this question? Arguably, I live in Boise more than I live here. In fact, I spend more time in the other buildings on campus than I do here. Thinking about it further, given my entire life span, I think I've spent more time at Winco (yay Winco!) than I have in this exact dorm. So what do they mean? Seeing as this form counts for the next ten years, I'll have to say "No," which leads us to....

Question Seven! Last question! This is misleading, of course, because question Seven takes up half the form. Tricky, Department of Commerce, very tricky. Anyway, Question Seven: (If No) What is the full address of the place where you live or stay MOST OF THE TIME?

Now, because I've been over-thinking things since I was born, what do they mean by this? Am I supposed to figure out what my address will be for the next ten years? Perhaps I should get a PO box. Certainly, in the last ten years it has been my parents' house. But my sister graduates high school in four and a half years. My parents might move. And then it will be inaccurate information. So what's a girl to do?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do- nothing. That's right, I'm not turning this sad piece of paper in any time soon. I'm an academic, sirs and madams. I believe in accurate research, and these questions are so flawed, the data recorded by this will be skewed. Supposedly, this will help the government assess where to send federal money that was allotted for me as a citizen. The last place I want it sent is Portland. This is why my parents have kindly counted me on their form. I know that's not exactly how it's supposed to work, but whatever. Like I said, this data is going to be poorly gathered, anyway. The Census is a part of our Constitution, this is true. However, I refuse to participate in a system that uses out-dated means of measuring the population. I'm ignoring my census form, not because I am conservative, but because I'm not.

Instead, I propose a few changes.

Question One- this needs to be eliminated. You already know my name. Next.

Question Two- this, too, is silly. Your people signed by passport, you already have this info. Next.

Question Three- I hear myself repeating earlier statements. Do away with this one, too. Onwards.

Questions Four and Five- should be combined. Origin and ETHNICITY are the same. Instead of asking people to choose bubbles that represent their heritage, how about a nice write-in-the-answer space? Give them at least a paragraph. Most of us are mutts.

Question Six- Be more god-damned specific. What the hell does MOST OF THE TIME mean,

you ingrates?

Question Seven- again, that silly MOST OF THE TIME crap. Why are you asking people to specify one address that will not be changed in your records until 2020? If any of the Department of Commerce's employees have changed addresses since 2000, they are fired.

Also, let's add a few questions. I realize people moan and groan about being inconvenienced by tedium, but these are typically also people who watch Fox News. I'm fairly certain they have more than five minutes on their hands.

Hypothetical Question Eight- What High School did you attend? (check if you did not graduate) This question will tell us much more about our current population than silly questions pertaining to skin pigment.

Hypothetical Question Nine- On average, how much time do you spend watching television, and what are your top five networks? (check box if you prefer books) These questions will give us an idea of where people are getting their information. Maybe then we will understand why an alarming percentage of America think Obama is a socialist.

Hypothetical Question Ten- On average, how many times per week do you cook your own food? Maybe then we will understand why America is fat.

Hypothetical Question Eleven- Have you ever read the Constitution, and if so, did it make sense? Perhaps then people will go out and actually examine a copy of our highest law of the land. It makes for a fascinating read.

This concludes my hypothetical questions. I'm sure I could write more, but they would get increasingly sarcastic. We don't need to know about skin color. Science has proven there are more genetic differences between two people if one is lactose intolerant and the other is not than between someone of African descent and someone of European descent. Give up the "race" questions. It's getting old. I'm tired of correcting people. Domestic dogs have races. Cats have races. People do not have races, idiots.

And I realize my words will not reach the sad sacks over at the D of C. I'm not here to begin a revolution. I do not suggest we "reload." I do suggest we give Sarah Palin her very own exhibit at the Smithsonian Zoo, but that is for another time.

I am here to entertain, as always. Thank you for obliging me my soapbox.

Smokers and Planes

I woke up today and promptly wanted to go back to sleep. Because I am insane, I instead got dressed and dragged my sad lump of a being to sociology.

My stomach feels like I drank a bottle of drain cleaner. My nose is stuffed like a damned Thanksgiving turkey. My voice cracks, my throat is dry, and I have a migraine whose ferocity rivals Krakatoa. I am not in a good mood.

Because I am sick and in a bad mood, I feel free to take this opportunity to really rant about a few things.

As I hurried to sociology this morning, a guy walking in the opposite direction was kind enough to blow cigarette smoke in my face. I coughed, gagged, and continued on my way. When I got to class, I thought all was good. That was until a girl arrived ten minutes late and sat next to me, in the process knocking my books from my desk, stepping on my purse, and glaring at me for being in her way.

She REEKED of secondhand smoke. I mean, absolutely stunk. It was disgusting.

I was annoyed; I was already sick, and here was this person assaulting me with their foul stench. Really? I wondered. What are you doing in school if you are okay with smelling like an ashtray? Do you think anyone will ever take you seriously, smelling like that?

I cannot stand smoking. It is gross. I don't care if you want to smoke; just don't do it around people who are smart and have made the choice not to consume death sticks. I do not want lung cancer.

Once, I commented on a Facebook forum about smoking. I simply asked "Why do so many people in Portland smoke?"

A smoker told me, in so many words, to screw off.

I did not reply to him, because I do not waste my time on idiots, but I would love to meet him. And kick his ass. The best part is, he wouldn't be able to run away because his lungs are shot.

Boise pales in comparison to Portland when it comes to public smokers. People stand in crowds and smoke. They sit on benches and smoke. They walk along in front of you and smoke. Recently, a woman got onto the train, sat down next to me, and lit up.

So I say to you, anonymous smoker who attempted to insult me, screw YOU! I will live longer, be able to breathe, and my breath smells nice.

My second major complaint stems from an article I read this morning. Find it here- http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE63540720100406

An independent airline company is going to charge up to $45 for carry-on luggage.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Alright, we now shell out five bucks for potato chips, fifteen dollars for checked bags, fifty dollars if it's over fifty pounds, and on some airlines, people are forced to buy two seats if they are physiologically large. It's already pretty stupid.

I paid thirty dollars to fly my damn clothes to Boise and back this last spring break. When I went to France a couple of years ago, I had to pay for headphones so I could hear the on-flight movie I had to pay for to watch. When I flew from Philadelphia to Boise, which is a six-hour flight, I had to pay twenty bucks to get some cafeteria-grade food.

And then there is the cost of the tickets themselves. Coach is the lowest level, and even that is expensive sometimes. You want an exit-row seat, which has a few more inches of legroom? That's more money. You want a first-class seat that was actually built to comfortably house humans? That is way more.

And the service sucks. I'm not talking about the service on the plane; I'm talking about the service whilst trying to get to the plane.

Take off your shoes, unpack all of your carry-on items, take off every layer of clothing that isn't absolutely necessary, and if you're lucky, you get patted down by some stranger who is invading your personal space in the name of "security."

And now, airports want to institute full body scanners. Awesome. Now your naked image will be saved on some TSA database. Don't like it? Tough. This is the "safety of our nation" here, people. Your naked image makes us less likely to be attacked.

The best part? You are paying upwards of a hundred dollars to be treated like cattle at an auction.

Once you are on the plane, like I've mentioned, you have no room at all. You get pretty friendly with whoever is seated next to you. And we've now gone so far as to say that you cannot even put anything in the pockets on the backs of seats. I put a book there, just for a moment, and was told to remove it.

What is the point of having the pockets there if you're not allowed to use them?

And now, some airline wants to charge money for us to have our small carry-on bags with us? We have to pay $45 so we can bring our laptop and fiction novel with us? No thank you.

For me, this is the final straw. Thankfully, this is a regional airline. It doesn't affect me. But you know, when one of them starts, others will follow. And when that happens, I am done flying. I don't even like flying. It's faster than driving, sure, but if it's that expensive and that stressful, I'd just as well use a car. Or the train. Or a ship.

The ultimate irony, in my mind, is that planes are one of the few places where cigarettes are absolutely verboten. You absolutely cannot smoke on planes these days. But you also cannot do anything else on planes, either.

I thank you for putting up with my two tangents. I would continue on- god knows the list is long- but I am tired. My head hurts. I want to take a nap.

Don't Feed the Trolls.

Got to love Hulu.

I've said it before, and I will say it again- this is television's future. People want to be able to chose what they're watching, when they watch it, and how long they watch it. I am so done with conventional television.

On Hulu, they have clips from NBC's Today Show.

Yesterday, they aired a segment on internet trolls. Here it is if you want to watch; it's about seven minutes long- http://www.hulu.com/watch/139181/nbc-today-show-online-‘trolls’-terrorize-the-grieving#s-p4-so-i0

I must say, they do a terrible job of really explaining what trolls are.

Now, let us assume you do not know what a troll is. No, it is not some wrinkly little person who lives under a bridge. An internet troll is someone who goes onto a discussion page or a forum and posts comments for the sheer purpose of causing others to react. Trolls don't necessarily believe what they're saying, and they are not necessarily "bad" people. They're just people my age who are bored and have decided to go screw around on the internet.

Internet trolls aren't evil, soulless, malicious people. They are bored people. Yes, they tend to say outrageous, even offensive things. I personally do not troll, but I know others who do. I think that, like in the Today Show segment, it is wrong to post nasty comments on memorial pages.

But I also think that people need to grow up.

Think of the internet like this- if you feel like you can post anything on the internet, i.e., memorials, opinions, or personal issues, someone else can post something about it. The internet is the ultimate free speech arena. People protest that some things are offensive; yeah they are. Get over it. Don't participate if you can't take it. The internet is not a "safe" place. It's not a babysitter. It's more like letting your kid loose in the middle of a city- you can choose where you want to go, but you're going to be exposed to overwhelming amounts of information. If you don't want people to form opinions about something, don't put it out there.

I think that people my age understand this a hell of a lot better than the baby-boomers of the Today Show. We understand that the internet is a faceless monster. It can be good, and it can be bad. People don't "play nice" on the internet, and that's why it is appealing. In a world where you can't play dodge-ball because it is too violent and you can be suspended from school for using certain words, it is a good thing to have a "free-for-all."

And I think the older generation is afraid of it for just that reason- try as they might, you can't put a lid on the net. Parents need to stop whining and trying to outsmart their kids. Let's face it- your kids will be able to outsmart you when it comes to technology every time. Instead of acting like a scared, whiny three-year-old, it would be nice to see the media advocate teaching some responsibility. Parents should explain to their kids what could happen if they screw up on the internet, teach their kids the difference between public and private information, and call it good. Yeah, some feelings are going to get hurt. But feelings get hurt wherever you are. You can't world-proof your damn kids, least of all on the internet. Instead of letting them turn eighteen and go crazy because they don't know what they're doing, help your kids learn to be responsible internet users. Give your kids some damn credit, people.

This web-fear is hardly a new thing for the media, either. A few weeks previous, the Today Show did a segment on chatroulette.com. It's a website where you are randomly linked up with a total stranger to video chat. Most old people go, "Oh my god! What if my kid sees a penis?"

Well, then, they see a penis. Big deal. Half our population has one already, did you know that? And if you don't want your poor, sheltered child seeing a penis, then they shouldn't have a freaking computer. It's that easy. If you don't respect your kid enough to let him make decisions for himself, then don't give him an adult toy like a PC. It should not be so hard to understand.

We don't need censors on the internet. People will get around them. It's not hard. All my schools had internet blockers on certain sites, and everyone knew how to get around them. If you trust your kid with a library card, trust her with the internet. Yeah, they might screw up, but it is a learning experience. The only difference is, if you are intolerant of the internet, your daughter is not going to ask for help when she needs it. If you are tolerant, then she'll trust you enough to tell you what she's doing.

Internet trolls prey on those who don't know what is going on. To people like me, it's stupid. An eye-roller. To uninformed people like NBC's sad lump of an internet consultant, it's outrageous. An abomination. Despicable. They don't realize that it's not real. Nothing on the internet is real, people. If it is really so horrible, then stick to Neopets or Disney Online. Leave places like forums and discussion pages to the despicable, underachieving young people who actually know what they're doing.

Sorry, Matt Lauer. The internet is for big kids only.