Mormon Report: an Outlook on Fashion

Capped sleeves are ugly.

I don't care what anyone says, they are unflattering and they're an obvious mark of a Mormon. I mean, who else would willingly wear them? It's like an anemic tee-shirt. Or a timid tank top.

According to what I've read- and believe it or not, a fair amount of research goes into my posts- LDS women don't show their shoulders because they see it as being immodest.

Certainly, there are plenty of Mormon women who wear tanks. I've read the opinions of a few, who say they wear swimsuits, and wear tanks when they exercise, but when they are out in public, they want to appear "modest."

Since when is a tank top "immodest?" I've never understood this. Shoulders are not sexual organs. Neither are arms. So maybe, as one person on the world wide web put it, tanks show off skin, and showing anything off is being immodest.

So I guess if I squint my brain I can kind of see what they mean. But here is where I depart from their fashion advice- the same person claims that flashy clothes distract people from worshiping God. I'd say that God is running counter to his/her/its teachings if our entire purpose is to worship him/her/it.

By the way, I am basing my retorts off one source in particular- certainly, there are other opinions out there, but as this woman is an LDS fashion consultant, I figured her opinion is most representative of what Mormon women are following. Here's her list on types of immodesty- http://www.jenmagazine.com/living/

Her first item is when people "look rich." I have a massive problem with this particular qualm. According to her words, buying lots of stuff means that you obviously have self esteem issues. In fact, that's a big theme in all her complaints. All I have to say is this- have you seen the Temple? I live two blocks from it. It could give the Buckingham Palace a run for its money, at least form what I've seen on the outside. If that isn't "flashy," I don't know what flashy means. Here we have a group of people preaching austerity, and yet it seems like all the LDS buildings I've seen are palaces.

"Jen's" second example of immodesty is "look! I'm scary!" Yet again, she's judging the people who fall into this proclaimed category as somehow being spiritually lacking and having low self esteem. This group includes (apparently) gangsters, goths, emos, people with tattoos, piercings, etc. In fact, I'm pretty sure this one is a blanket group for everyone who isn't rich or the third one, sexy. I certainly fall into this category. According to her ideals, it is against their teachings to be intimidating. Naturally, I am an intense person. I can't really help it. So I'm screwed. But if it's wrong to look intimidating, what about missionaries? They walk around in suits, knock on people's doors, and carry Bibles. I'm thinking that is more intimidating than someone wearing a ratty tee shirt sitting at a coffee shop.

Our third example is about looking sexy. She brings up the whole idea that "media" has objectified women over the years. However, she turns around and claims that the proper goal of women is to get married and have a family. Isn't that more objectification in the opposite direction? So anyway, she claims that dressing "sexily" will scare away potential husbands, and will only attract men who are interested in sex. Well, what's wrong with sex? I know, I know, it makes everyone turn bright red and edge away, but seriously, why is it such a horrible thing to like sex? Why must your only goal in going out be snagging a husband? Why not snag a casual boyfriend? Why not snag nothing at all, and just be happy with the way you look? When a woman wears a low-cut shirt, why does it have to mean she's looking to attract a mate? Why can't it simply be because she likes the way she looks?

Her final example's pretty weak. It's about looking "cool." Her only real explanation is that it is immodest to show off the fact that you're "cool" or "fashionable." Okay?

This particular consultant claims that all of her listed types of immodesty are examples of ways people try to boost their self esteem and gain attention. But isn't it just as bad to judge the way others look? Isn't that drawing attention to yourself, too? When an older woman glares at me at the store because I'm wearing a tank top, the only one drawing attention to herself is the one narrowing her eyes and wrinkling her nose. I don't care how I look to other people. I don't get dressed in the morning thinking, "I need to intimidate someone," or "I want people to think I'm sexy." Yes, I show a fair amount of cleavage (have you seen my boobs? I have to wear a turtleneck to hide those) and yes, I wear tank tops. The only person I'm doing any of this for, though, is me. This is why the Mormon philosophy is flawed- it is passing judgement on people with the assumption that person got dressed only to be a spectacle. Of course, there are plenty of people who dress to impress; don't try and tell me that those missionaries buy those suits to be comfy while they work. Modesty isn't about clothes. My sister wears shorts and low-cut shirts, and she also has a pretty prudent attitude about sexuality. A person can wear turtlenecks and slacks and still be promiscuous. A lot of judgement goes into the LDS belief system, and a WHOLE lot of judgement goes into their attitude about clothes.

Clothes are just clothes. Hopefully, you cover the basics, but bearing shoulders does not an immodest woman make. Beyond that, let your character define your amount of modesty. And don't let people assume you dressed that way for them.

Oh, and Mormons? The Victorian Era called, they want their capped sleeves back.

The Mormon Report: Volume One

So, at some point, I promised some friends of mine I would occasionally talk about my experiences with the LDS Church down here in Salt Lake. Because I am crude and I have no class, I've decided to call these the Mormon Reports.

A Disclaimer: if you are Mormon, you are reading this, and your blood pressure is steadily rising, please take note- I'm not trying to be disrespectful, I'm simply expressing my point of view, albeit with a potty mouth.

I'm not mormon, never have been, and I have no desire to be one. Yes, I moved to Utah, this is true. I moved here from Idaho, which has its own fair share of mormons. I am vaguely familiar with the nuances of their culture.

But never before have I experienced a Mormon Holiday. Today was what is known as Pioneer Day- they're celebrating the LDS exodus from the eastern US to the Great Salt Lake.

My day started when a fighter jet flew low over my apartment, immediately giving me the impression that we were under attack. But no, it was simply the beginning of the parade. After which, we observed a string of floats with various LDS undertones as they wound through downtown Salt Lake.

Thankfully, the route turned one block from my apartment, sparing us any direct noise. This in itself was somewhat of a miracle, because I only live two blocks from the Temple. There were people camping out along the route starting last night. Apparently, the parade's a big deal.

And then there were the floats themselves. They were culturally stereotypical and politically incorrect. Part of me wanted to watch as an observing anthropologist, and accept that this was a part of their culture. A bigger part of me was outraged by their apparent lack of factuality.

After the parade, my mom and I had breakfast, got dressed, and went out to go see the U's campus. For the record, I love that campus. It's how a proper school should look- enormous buildings, sweeping grounds, giant trees, and wide bike and walking paths. It's a great place.

After this, we had a most enjoyable lunch, and then decided to go have a look at the capitol building. This is probably the most majestic-looking state capitol I've ever seen. However, more mormon hijinks were to be had.

First of all, I was wearing a tank top. According to Mormon creed, shoulders are immodest. Knees are equally immodest, at least in the eyes of some. I've had old ladies glare at me before- I mean, I wear sweatshirts and swear like a sailor- but I've never experienced anything like this. Whole families were avoiding me. As we walked down the hall in the capitol, looking at exhibits, even the children regarded me as an alien and flocked away towards the stairs. It was bizarre.

Finally, the silver lining on this bizarre cloud. As I sit writing this, fireworks of all colors, shapes, and sizes are crackling across the valley. It's quite spectacular. For as weird as today has been, this view is certainly impressive.

I have plans for my Mormon Reports. Not, as I've said, to be offensive, but to simply explore the LDS church from my own viewpoint. Like any other culture, they deserve respect, even if I disagree with them. Their views on some things are trivial and downright offensive in some ways. This said, it's hardly fair to criticize a group of people without attempting to understand them.

Patriotism

I am a passionate person. I'm not lying; I am. I'm passionate about politics, about anthropology, about science. I work hard to do my own "fact finding," rather than let some network tell me what I should know.

And I am an angry person. I'm infuriated by a lot of things- bad drivers, ignorance, old people.

But you know what makes me angrier than anything else?

Being told I'm not American.

This just blows me away. How can anyone tell me I'm not American? I have the birth certificate, driver's license, and passport to prove it. My ancestors got here on the damned Mayflower, people. I'm about as American as they get.

But no, because I have certain political beliefs, I hear that I'm not American. I worked for the ACLU for years. Somehow, that makes me un-American. I believe in taxes. That makes me un-American, too. I think we should make it easier for people to become citizens, rather than having to sneak into the country. That makes me un-American, too.

Who are the people who are making these designations, exactly? Sarah Palin? John Boehner? Mitch McConnell? Rush Limbaugh?

Who the hell died and crowned them oligarchs of America? Who the hell made them the people that decide what patriotism is?

Patriotism is love for and devotion to one's country; it is not the blind following of those who are backed by multi-million dollar campaign funds. In my mind, the highest act of patriotism in our country is to work for the benefit and protection of the people. Funny how easily they forget that whole "of the people, for the people, by the people" thing. How dare they be against public health care? What, are they against the health of the American people?

And what about taxes? How can they call themselves "patriots," and then give tax cuts to the top twenty percent of incomes? Or did they not realize that taxes are how we pay for public programs, like Butch Otter's transportation bill he wanted last year?

Or how about them criticizing Obama for vacationing in Maine, instead of the Gulf area? Isn't that valuing one state over another? Isn't it good that they spent money in the US, in general?

And last time I checked, these people were pretty quick to throw the Katrina refugees under the bus, even though we're still talking about the same area of the country.

No, these "champions of patriotism" are doing a pretty spectacular job of working against Americans. It sickens me that they have run, unchecked, for such a long time. Republicans and Democrats are not looking out for the good of the people; they're looking out for the good of the party. We're so caught up in party politics that we sometimes forget that we all have one thing in common- this is just as much the Democrats' country as it is the Republicans'.

No party has dibs over patriotism.

My best friend in the entire world is a Christian, and a Republican. He and I disagree on a wide range of things, and we are close enough that we can discuss those differences. This is the problem with politics today- we address one another on a group basis, not an individual one. If we stripped away the money, the affiliations, the parties, and just made representatives talk to each other, we would see better results. I make fun of Mormons, Christians, Republicans, et cetera, but it's a lot harder to do so when you know them on a personal basis. I met a woman who was a devout Mormon, and she was also intelligent, considerate, and fairly open-minded. She was not the brainless automaton that I expected to find, even if she was my age and married. I related to her on a personal level, and my biases faded away. She became an individual with a face and a name.

If we all took a little more time to get to know our opposing viewpoints from a personal stance, we could discuss real issues and leave the misinformation and name-calling out of the discussion. In the end, as I've said, we are all still Americans. We all felt pain on 9/11. We all celebrate the Fourth of July. We all share some aspects of life in common, regardless of our party affiliation, our denomination, or our education. We all share about 99.9% of the same DNA. When we get down to it, there is a way to be civil and have real discussions. Everyone simply needs to be willing to reach that point- and I mean everyone. The conservatives, the liberals, the moderates, the Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, the rich, the poor, and everyone in between. No more bullshit. No more trying to designate who is patriotic and who isn't.

Hopefully our collective blood pressure can hold out till then.