Sleep is Great!

Today is Monday. Normally, Mondays are somewhat of a pain in the ass. There you were, sleeping in and spending the entire day in your pajamas, and suddenly the alarm goes off and you're expected to just get up and go to school. It's cruel and unusual, not because I hate school (I love school) but because while I love school, I love sleep more. Sleep makes me not be a homicidal crazyperson. Sleep makes the world seem like a brighter place. Last Friday, I did not get any sleep. That morning I had a migraine, I was cranky, I hated the world, I could barely tie my shoes, my stomach felt as though it was actively melting its way out of my body, and I would have happily mauled anyone to death if they gave me any sass. It was hot as balls and all I wanted to do was go home, take off my shoes, put on sweatpants and pretend I was part of the couch. A homeless guy was hassling me as I tried to get to the TRAX station, and I wanted to throw him into traffic. Instead I yelled "FUCK OFF" at the top of my lungs. I was on Temple Square, and this got me some pretty somber looks. I'm sure I've sworn while walking across Temple Square more than everyone else in this city put together.

Today, it is rainy, windy, and stormy. It's like 65 degrees out, and because I got enough sleep over the weekend, I was chipper and amicable. Even as the rain sprinkled my head, I walked with a smile and thought of all the reasons I love Salt Lake. I refrained from swearing on Temple Square. I even stopped myself from berating the smelly creeper that sat down next to me on the TRAX as I was riding home.

Sleep is good. You know what else is good? Mormons. They are possibly the most entertaining group I've ever lived with in a city. This weekend, in case you live anywhere besides Utah, was Conference. Basically, it's like the Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca. The downtown corridor fills with men in crisp buttoned, collared shirts and women in knee-length, shapeless dresses with sleeves and high collars. My roommate, Genny, and I decided, ironically, to go shopping down at Gateway Mall. It's not that far from our apartment- like six or seven blocks, maybe- but we took TRAX because we're lazy. (Eight blocks = 1 mile in SLC) I knew it was Conference weekend because there was a notice at the TRAX stop that I vaguely recall noticing as I waited for the train to school on Friday, trying not to kill the obnoxious gangsters standing next to me. Being who I am, however, I instantly forgot the notice. So when we got to State street and saw swarms of momos, we were flabbergasted.

In situations like these, I have an interesting involuntary reaction. I start laughing manically, and uncontrollably, for the duration of the awkwardness. This has gotten me followed by employees in Walmart, held back after school, and all kinds of other great rewards. Naturally, people started walking as far away from me as they could, suspecting, I assume, that I was high as a kite or deranged and possibly dangerous. I continued my hysterical laughter all the way down the block and onto the TRAX. And then it got worse. They were on the train, packed like sardines.

Have you ever seen pictures of the commuter trains in India, where people are literally crammed in so tightly that they have to hang out the windows and doorways? That was what this was like, except they were all wearing collared, buttoned dress shirts in some variation of white. We did see one guy wearing a salmon-colored shirt, and we nearly died laughing. When I'm laughing that hard, it turns into a kind of infinite loop. I laugh, and can't breathe, so I laugh harder, and can't breathe. We must have looked like someone let us out of an institution, because the men getting out at the Temple stop looked pretty grateful to be leaving the train. The harder I tried to stop laughing, the harder I laughed. It was never going to end.

And then we got to the mall and went to Old Navy. Genny wanted formal clothes for the career fair. I just like throwing caution to the wind and spending money every now and then. We bought some stuff and walked back out into the hot air.

A description: Gateway Mall is an outdoor mall, and it's two whole blocks of shops. The place is two stories, and the second story is more shops connected with a network of bridges and paths. There is a cinema and a planetarium in addition to a bazillion stores and restaurants. It's a wonderful place that, like everything else in Salt Lake, was made especially for the 2002 Olympics.

We noticed the Apple Store, and fiendish delight filled me again. We went in and changed all the iPhone backgrounds to various photos of the Google logo, the Adobe Flash logo, the Android logo, et cetera. After that happy distraction, we went to Barnes and Noble and finally back to the TRAX. And there they were: more Mormons. Child Mormons, female Mormons, Mormon mothers, Mormon daughters, old Mormons, young Mormons, they were everywhere. We rode past Temple Square, and they were swarming around Deseret Books like ants on chocolate cake. We contemplated going in and asking where they kept their copies of Wicca for Dummies, but we decided against it. Genny and I enjoy living, after all.

It was great, and I can't wait for Conference next year. Actually, I can't wait for Christmas, because you just know those Momos go whole hog. Screw political correctness, we're in the land of Zion. Portland's Christmas decorations were infantile and depressing, because liberals are very politically correct. But anyway, holidays are great. Living down here in Salt Lake City is great. Sleep is great. And you knwo what else is great?

Boise. Boise is a great city. Fall Break starts on Friday, and I am going back to Boise for most of the week I get off of classes. If you're in Boise, and want to hang, give me a call, because I'll be there too!