Is It Really Rotting Our Brains?

I think television-watching statistics are silly.

I think this because I watch a ton of television- at least, the telly is on all the time. But I guess I don't really watch it. I write. I read the news. I read the forty-five thousand blogs to which I subscribe. I watch You-Boob videos. I read a book. I read the SLC Weekly. I screw around on Facebook. I play Solitaire. I go wander through the magical muck that is the internet. I write blogs.

I don't just watch television. I'm not sure how anyone just watches television. There are people out there who just watch television, I'm sure, but there are all kinds of people out there. There are people who read dictionaries. There are people who think Donald Trump would make a decent president. Like I said, there are all kinds of people out there.

(If you are the sort of person who can just sit and watch television and not get bored, I do not apologize. I merely offer the humble suggestion that you need a hobby.)

So when I hear stuff like "people are watching more television than ever," I cannot help but wonder about that. If by watch they mean leave it on so the room isn't too quiet, then sure, I buy it. But if they mean there are hoards of people out there who just sit and watch the boob-tube without doing anything productive, then I feel our species may be headed in an awkward direction.

Then there's all the crap on television- and I'm not talking about the actual shows. People choose to watch the shows. The commercials are what make me batshit crazy. I hate commercials. Between those goddamn toilet-paper bears to the fucking flowery tampon ads, they all make me nearly homicidal. I mean, seriously, someone has taken the "does a bear shit in the woods" question way too far. And red flowers for maxi pads? Really? Did y'all think of that gem all by yourselves?

And then there are the "corn sugar" commercials. Fricking corn interest groups. I mean, we produce around 40% of the world's corn. It's easy to grow, and thus everybody has a cornfield. Because of this, the people representing corn farmers have a lot of clout politically. Why else would we be using corn to produce ethanol? It's one of the lowest-yielding energy sources we have available (soybean and hemp seed are exponentially ore efficient).

Now they have all these commercials talking about high fructose corn syrup. They want us to call it "corn sugar," apparently. Because, you know, sugar is sugar.

I have news for them. They probably already know this, too, which makes it worse- not all sugar is created equal. Fructose and glucose(regular sugar) are not the same. Your body can convert fructose to glucose, but it won't do that unless there is no glucose anywhere else in you (highly unlikely). More likely is that fructose gets converted into fatty acids, and (basically) into fat. Glucose does a hell of a lot more for you than just that. Thus, fructose isn't glucose, you corn-molesting media whores.

I just hate the amount of blatant misinformation floating around out there. Not only is it disrespectful, it's harmful, and it should be illegal. When I am ruler of the universe, there will be no obnoxious commercials. They will all be creative, informative, and none of them will have "sugar is sugar" shit.

But I need to go and watch a bridal dress show. And by watch, I mean write another ten pages.