Dear Teabaggers

So it is 60 degrees outside right now. No joke. There are no clouds, just a light breeze that keeps things refreshing.

Today has been a fabulous day. This week, I had a major essay due in my upper division anthropology class, a midterm in archaeology, and I missed quite a bit of class because last Thursday I severely injured my back.

It's pretty refreshing to be done for the week, I'm not going to lie. And what better a way to end one of the most stressful weeks of this term than admiring the unusually glorious weather, eating some chips and hummus, and just relaxing?

Well, I could blog about a few observations in a light-hearted fashion. I'm in a good mood. My room is clean. I have fresh oranges for dessert.

Recently, I became a "fan" of this Facebook page titled "Can this poodle wearing a tinfoil hat get more fans than Glenn Beck?" I thought it was hysterically funny. Glenn Beck annoys me. The dog is cute.

One of the most amusing parts of this experience is the "discussions" portion. One of the discussions was titled "Did Glenn Beck rape and murder a girl in 1990?" It was started by an internet troll- someone who wastes time by making purposefully-obnoxious statements online, with the sole goal of making someone mad. It is pretty much the silliest way to waste time on the internet.

However, it is excellent entertainment.

So I am reading this discussion, and for whatever strange reason, there are people who support Glenn Beck that are fans of this group. Doesn't make a bit of sense; then again, when have pro-Beck people ever made sense?

Anyway, this one person in particular, who, true to internet ranters, used the "clever" name Tar Andfeathers. Tar, as I will call him/her (never was sure of the gender of this person) was, for lack of a better term, a nitwit.

I take that back. There are far better terms for the likes of Tar. But nitwit is the only polite one I could name.

Tar began his/her (it?) participation by insulting the intelligence of the people who were making lighthearted fun of Glenn Beck. Tar did so in a way that truly spoke to her/his/its own intellect by stating, "Your all idiots."

My congratulations to you, Tar, whoever/whatever you are, for using the wrong "your." You were looking for "you're," specifically the conjunction of "you" and "are."

an example:

"Your claim that I am an idiot is incorrect."

VERSUS

"You're the real idiot."

If in doubt next time, ask yourself this: do I mean "your" as in what you have, or "you're" as in what you are?

Maybe I should distribute this on laminated index cards.

Tar continued to illustrate his/its/her (dinosaur?) intellect by asserting that global warming is not real. Tar's proof was the fact that the East Coast has received a large amount of snow.

This argument just reeks of a lack of brain cells.

Saying that a large amount of snow in one area of the world disproves global warming is like saying the lack of daylight at 11 pm disproves the existence of the sun. It is just moronic. It would seem to me that you would have to actually work hard to be that stupid. And no, in this case, I'm not talking about ignorance (lack of knowing). I mean stupid. It is the most pathetic, shameful argument against global warming that I have heard yet.

It is worse than the argument that being environmentally sound will bankrupt industries.

Another Glenn Beck classic is the teabagger movement. Most people call it this because of the grotesque sexual connotations (if you've never heard the term, please don't Google it, for your own sake), but I call it this because I flat-out refuse to acknowledge that they are in any way connected to the "Boston Tea Party" event that is an iconic part of the American Revolution. Teabaggers are clueless. They claim that we are paying far too many taxes, which is wrong. I'm no economist, and if you are and you know better, feel free to correct me, but I would have to say we have got to be paying the lowest taxes out of all of the economically-comparable countries in the world. If anything, we should pay more taxes. But no politician would ever propose such a thing and live to see another lobbyist.

The other half of the Teabagger argument that infuriates me is that they claim they are motivated by the same injustices as Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. I share the same birthday as Ben Franklin, I've done my fair share of research, and I would have to say that you, Teabaggers of the US, are WRONG. You are so wrong. The very notion of you comparing yourselves to such intellectuals as Franklin, Jefferson, or Hamilton makes me want to become physically violent.

But I won't. I am smarter than you.

The idea behind the revolution was that they were protesting taxation WITHOUT representation. As in, the king would create taxes that asked ridiculous costs of the colonists and there was nothing they could do.

(Side-note: Notice my use of "there." Let's review that one. There indicates a place. Their indicates possession. They're is a conjunction of "they" and "are." The next time you attempt, and fail, to insult an intellect via the internet, please remember to use proper grammar. If you insist we all speak English, then SPEAK ENGLISH.)

There is no way teabaggers can claim they are being taxed without representation. The majority of the teabagger movement is white middle-aged men. Seeing as most of our senators and representatives are, in fact, white middle-aged men, I would have to say that teabaggers are the single MOST represented group in America.

So Tar, please change your name. The internet gives balls to those who otherwise have none, and the least you can do to demonstrate you own a fragment of a spine is to use a name that is close to the one your parents picked. And for you to call yourself after a violent form of protest that was extreme and inhumane is just pathetic. Threatening to "tar and feather" someone who sees flaws in your diatribe does not make you patriotic. It makes you an idiot.

P.S.- I realize that the demographic to which I address this rant will probably never read it. And that's okay. I'm mostly here just to entertain.